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We all know that one person who constantly interrupts others when they speak or always asks for favors without ever considering helping others. Of course, everyone typically avoids people like that because who doesn’t want to feel valued?
It’s easy to hate such people or label them as selfish or self-centered, especially when their actions seem inconsiderate or egotistical. But you should be aware that both traits are different. While one trait can cover actions such as manipulating a situation to one’s advantage, the other trait can be healthy in certain situations.
You may argue against using words like healthy and self-centered in the same sentence, but this article will change your mind. We are going to dive into what these traits are and how to differentiate between them.
This is the key to:
- Improving communication
- Managing conflict
- Maintaining healthy relationships.
What Does It Mean to Be Self-Centered?
A person who is only focused on their goals and how to attain them, irrespective of the harm they cause to others, is self-centered. Self-centered individuals:
- Focus primarily on themselves in conversations
- Shows little interest in others’ experiences or feelings
- Expect attention and validation
- May not even realize they’re doing it
This trait can be subtle and even socially acceptable in small doses, but persistent self-centeredness can damage relationships and foster resentment.
Being self-centered is mostly seen as a defence mechanism. You can look at it from this perspective: we don’t want the world to burn down, but we want to survive through any means possible. We only start considering others’ needs once our own are met.
Kids, for instance, are naturally self-centered and only focus on what they need. If kids are hungry, all they can think of is how to get food, regardless of how exhausted or sick their parents are.
However, we are expected to gradually grow out of this behaviour as we become adults and become more considerate. But some people fail to do so, and their behaviour will worsen over time and will manifest in the ways highlighted above.
Defining Selfishness: Key Characteristics
Selfishness, on the other hand, involves doing everything possible, regardless of the consequences, to get your way.
Selfish people place their needs above others, and key signs of selfish behavior include:
- Making decisions that benefit oneself without considering others
- Reluctance to share resources or time
- Taking more than one gives in relationships
- Being inconsiderate of others’ efforts or sacrifices
A self-centered person is likely to be unaware of the impact their action will have on others. However, a selfish person tends to know of this fact, but this would not discourage them.
Egocentric Tendencies: How They Relate to Selfishness and Self-Centeredness
Egocentrism takes things the extra mile by being arrogant or confrontational towards others. An egocentric person thinks they are always right and has a great sense of self-importance.
Individuals who portray such traits often:
- Struggle to empathize with others
- Assume others think or feel the same as they do
- Can unintentionally exhibit both selfish and self-centered behaviors
- Belittle or insult others
- Refuse to compromise or work with other people
- Their needs always come first
- Expect to receive special treatment
The Role of Narcissism in Self-Centered and Selfish Behaviors
Narcissistic traits are linked to a strong admiration of oneself, including physical appearance.
Narcissists often:
- Have a sense of entitlement
- Crave admiration and validation
- Manipulate others to serve their self-image
- Lack genuine empathy
- Prioritize self-image over authentic connection
- Have fantasies of greatness
- Exploit others for their gain
While not all selfish or self-centered people are narcissists, narcissism can intensify these traits and make them more harmful to others.
| Trait | In Selfish/Self-Centered People | In Narcissists (Amplified Impact) |
| Lack of empathy | May occasionally overlook others’ feelings | Consistently disregards or exploits others’ emotions for personal gain |
| Need for validation | Enjoys praise or recognition | Craves admiration constantly and may manipulate others to get it |
| Sense of entitlement | May expect special treatment occasionally | Believes they deserve special treatment and reacts aggressively when denied |
| Manipulation | May use persuasion for personal benefit | Regularly uses deceit, guilt, or gaslighting to control others |
| Criticism sensitivity | Dislikes being criticized | Reacts with rage or deep offense to even mild or constructive criticism |
| Relationship impact | They can be difficult to relate to | Often causes emotional harm or instability in relationships |
| Accountability avoidance | May deny fault or deflect | Blames others obsessively and refuses to take responsibility |
| Self-image focus | Likes to be seen in a positive light | Obsessed with an idealized self-image and demands that others support it unconditionally |
Self-Focused Vs. Self-Absorbed: A Closer Look
It’s easy to confuse being self-focused with being self-absorbed, but the two are not the same. While both involve paying attention to oneself, the intention and outcome behind each are very different.
Being self-focused isn’t always negative. It can mean:
- Setting boundaries
- Prioritizing mental health
- Working toward personal goals
Self-absorption, however, crosses into the territory of:
- Ignoring others’ needs
- Talking excessively about oneself
- Being uninterested in others’ perspectives
Understanding this difference helps distinguish healthy self-awareness from egotism.
| Aspect | Self-Focused | Self-Absorbed |
| Core Intent | Personal growth and self-awareness | Constant need for validation and attention |
| Empathy | Capable of caring for others | Little to no concern for others’ feelings |
| Self-Reflection | Seeks to understand emotions and actions | Rarely self-reflects; always assumes they’re right |
| Boundaries | Sets and respects healthy boundaries | Expects others to revolve around them |
| Conversation Style | Listens and responds thoughtfully | Dominates conversations with personal stories |
| Relationships | Invests in mutual understanding | Relationships are often one-sided |
| Criticism Handling | Accepts and uses feedback constructively | Gets defensive or dismissive |
| Self-Talk | Encouraging, curious, balanced | Self-centered or self-pitying |
| Reaction to Others’ Success | Feels inspired or happy for others | Feels threatened, jealous, or indifferent |
| Confidence | Quiet, grounded confidence | Inflated or fragile ego masked as confidence |
Inconsiderate Actions: Identifying Selfish and Self-Centered Behaviors
Everything is not always as it appears. A quick dismissal of your opinion by a friend during a conversation does not automatically mean that the person is selfish.
In daily interactions, people often display behaviors that seem rude, but such actions may not come from the mindset of a selfish person. Knowing what selfishness and self-centeredness entail will help clarify the motivation behind people’s actions.
Inconsiderate behaviors often reveal whether someone is being selfish or self-centered:
- Interrupting others
- Refusing to help when capable
- Dominating group decisions
- Taking credit for group work
- Ignoring boundaries or others’ time
- Talking only about themselves
- Not listening when others speak
- Dismissing others’ feelings or experiences
Recognizing when someone always puts themselves first or will go the extra mile to fulfill their objectives, even at the cost of hurting someone else, is important. Knowing the differences between these two types of action allows you to properly determine your character and change it.
| Aspect | Selfish Behavior | Self-Centered Behavior |
| Primary Focus | Personal gain, even at others’ expense | Constant focus on self, regardless of others |
| Intent | Chooses self-benefit knowingly | Often unaware of others’ needs or perspectives |
| Awareness of Others | Aware but uninterested in others | Often oblivious, not intentionally harmful |
| Typical Behavior | Hoards resources, avoids sharing | Talks mostly about self, assumes interest in their life |
| Empathy Level | Low empathy or concern for how others feel | May care, but lacks awareness or sensitivity |
| Collaboration | Avoids team effort if no personal gain is involved | Participates but centers everything around themselves |
| Response to Criticism | May get defensive or deflect blame | Confused or surprised when called out |
| Effect on Others | Leaves others feeling used or dismissed | Leaves others feeling unheard or invisible |
Learn More at Los Angeles Mental Health
If you’re going through tough relationships or just want to find out why you act in a certain way, consulting a psychologist might be just what you need.
Therapists at Los Angeles Mental Health give individual support for emotional health, communication, and self-development. Contact them now to have a better understanding of self-knowledge and how to build better relationships with others.
FAQs
How can egocentric and self-absorbed behaviors impact personal relationships?
If you have a self-absorbed character, you are likely to have short relationships that end with conflict. For instance, hurting your friend just to get your way will leave them feeling hurt.
What are the key differences between narcissistic and self-centered tendencies?
While both concepts are similar, a narcissist wants to have full control, even going as far as manipulating a situation for their benefit at others’ expense. But a self-centered person only puts themself first in every situation and can be too self-absorbed to notice others.
Can being self-focused lead to inconsiderate actions, and how does it differ from egotistical behavior?
Although a self-focused person will claim to care for others, including friends or a lover, they will most likely end up hurting them. Their actions will be inconsistent because their interest is their sole focus. But egotistical behaviour adds an element of arrogance or superiority.
How do unempathetic traits contribute to being perceived as self-serving?
Someone who lacks empathy can’t understand or won’t care how their actions affect you. Since they cannot relate to your feelings, they may seem self-serving.
What are some common misconceptions about self-centered and selfish behaviors?
You might like to believe that the actions of a selfish person are intentional, but this isn’t the case. A friend who is always seeking out help but fails to offer one back may be a result of a lack of emotional intelligence.
